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[personal profile] keitanketsueki

Title: Texts From Last Night and What Comes of Them
Rating: R
Pairing(s): Gibbs/DiNozzo
Warnings: Slash and general drunken naughty language
Author's Notes: In honor of the lovely [info]wintermute_lj’s birthday, I’ve written a series of chronological drabbles inspired by posts on

  Happy birthday, Kate, and I hope you enjoy!

 The full list of the original texts and their URLs is at the end of the fic’s second part.  For clarity’s sake, I’ve included sender, recipient, and separated texts by hour sent.

 Disclaimer: I don’t own NCIS or any of its characters, nor did I write any of the italicized text messages.




Tony-->Abby: You’re missing a hell of a party tonight, Abbs.  Wish you were here.

Abby-->Tony: Timmy’s sick. No way I’m ditching him for a party, especially since he can’t take care of Jethro.

Tony-->Abby: Just beat my beer-bonging record and followed it up with a kegstand.

Abby-->Tony: Should you be drinking while you’re on antibiotics for a cut tonsil?

Tony-->Abby: my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but I stopped it with a Popsicle

Tony-->Abby: And I didn’t take my antibiotics today

Abby-->Tony: That may be for the best. You’d’ve probably puked them up anyway.

Tony-->Abby: Beer Popsicles are better in theory

Abby-->Tony: Let me guess: tap-freeze trick?

Tony-->Abby: Duh.


Tony-->Abby: Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? Hint: I am.

Abby-->Tony: Nice!

Tony-->Abby: The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.

Abby-->Tony: WTF! You look nothing like Prince William!

Tony-->Abby: I know! I’m so much hotter!

Gibbs-->Tony: Ziva’s flight out of Australia is delayed. Won’t be back until Wednesday.

Tony-->Abby, Gibbs: I'm gonna have sex with a

Abby-->Tony: This is a problem?!

Tony-->Abby, Gibbs: Yes! My dick is like a St. Bernard: loyal to just its master. And big and drippy.

Abby-->Tony: O_o

Tony-->Abby, Gibbs: I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.

Tony-->Abby, Gibbs: Thanks for calling and pretending to be dispatch. Got me out of embarrassing myself.

Gibbs-->Tony: Why did you just text me about having sex with a woman and your dick being like a saint Bernard and calling as dispatch?

Tony-->Gibbs: Shit, I CC’d you. Those were to Abbs. Sorry.

Gibbs-->Tony: You at a party?


Tony-->Gibbs: You have to ask?

Gibbs-->Tony: Doing ok?


Tony-->Gibbs: Don't worry. I has chaperone.


Tony-->Abby: Ia nefed hefelkp I am a taxi


Tony-->Abby: Abvbhy nhjedl;p plozs?


Tony-->Gibbs: Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk

Gibbs-->Tony: What happened to Abby?

Tony-->Gibbs: No answer since she called as dispatch at 1117.

Gibbs-->Tony: It’s a damn good thing you gave me your spare car keys. I’d never hear the end of picking your trunk lock. Colin’s place?

Tony-->Gibbs: Yeah.


Gibbs-->Tony: How are you doing?

Tony-->Gibbs: you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator

Gibbs-->Tony: You eat anything?

Tony-->Gibbs: You said eat breakfast. So I poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.

Gibbs-->Tony: Your liver. And your hangover.

Gibbs-->Abby: Your phone die?

Abby-->Gibbs: Yeah. Ran home and got my charger while Tim slept just now.

Gibbs-->Abby: You couldn’t use his?

Abby-->Gibbs: No. How is Tony?

Gibbs-->Abby: Brought him home, cleaned him up, and poured him into bed. Good thing it’s Saturday.

Abby-->Gibbs: He’s still that drunk?

Gibbs-->Abby: I think he bathed in the booze.

Abby-->Gibbs: ?!

Gibbs-->Abby: He stank so bad that I had to shower him.

Abby-->Gibbs: ?!!!

Gibbs-->Abby: We were in the shower and he sat down and wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.

Abby-->Gibbs: !!!?!!!!?

Gibbs-->Abby: He also made himself “cereal” for breakfast after I left. Out of Bailey’s and m&m’s.

Abby-->Tony: How are you feeling?

Tony-->Abby: Hungover

Abby-->Tony: No DiNozzo Defibrillator?

Tony-->Abby: Out of stuff. Sleeping now.


Abby-->: You up now?

Tony-->Abby: Yeah.

Abby-->Tony: How was the party?

Tony-->Abby: Great! My arms hurt, though.

Abby-->Tony: I need details! Why do they hurt?

Tony-->Abby: We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THAT’S why my arms hurt

Abby-->Tony: How many shots did you have?

Tony-->Abby: I lost count.

Abby-->Tony: No wonder. What else?

Tony-->Abby: There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.

Abby-->Tony: And you were…?

Tony-->Abby: Not in the pool.

Abby-->Tony: Damn.

Tony-->Abby: Although…

Tony-->Colin: Yo send me the pic of me sticking my dick in the paint bucket last night

Colin-->Tony: Yep. Why do you want it?

Tony-->Colin: To share!

Tony-->Abby: Not in the pool, but…

Abby-->Tony: Why are you dipping your dick in paint?!

Tony-->Abby: It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Abby-->Tony: What made it seem like a good idea?!

Tony-->Abby: There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party

Abby-->Tony: I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.

Tony-->Abby: Probably not—everyone was so drunk. It was great!

Abby-->Tony: So, you manscape?

Tony-->Abby: Not going there.


Colin-->Tony: There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.

Tony-->Colin: Yes? I think that was Bruce or the guy the bartender brought. Pics?

Abby-->Tony: Tony, I really wish I’d gone to that party! How’d they get a piano out there?!

Tony-->Abby: Dunno. It’s not Colin’s but lots of his neighbors were there.


Colin-->Tony: You doing ok, man?

Tony-->Colin: I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.

Colin-->Tony: LOL Good enough.

Gibbs-->Tony: You holding up ok, DiNozzo?

Tony-->Gibbs: Why is everyone asking me that today?

Gibbs-->Tony: DINOZZO

Tony-->Gibbs: I’m sober ask me anything about the Civil War

Gibbs-->Tony: Ok. I believe you. Dispatch called. Case out in West Virginia.

Tony-->Gibbs: McGee’s still sick and Ziva’s not back yet, right?

Gibbs-->Tony: Yeah, just gonna be us on this one. Pack a toothbrush.

End of part one.

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